Rob Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Two CowsDEMOCRATICYou have two cows.Your neighbor has none.You feel guilty for being successful.Barbara Streisand sings for you.REPUBLICANYou have two cows.Your neighbor has none.So?SOCIALISTYou have two cows.The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.COMMUNISTYou have two cows.The government seizes both and provides you with milk.You wait in line for hours to get it.It is expensive and sour.CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLEYou have two cows.You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLEYou have two cows.Under the new farm program the governmentpays you to shoot one, milk the other, and thenpours the milk down the drain.AMERICAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin anannouncement to the analysts stating you have downsizedand are reducing expenses.Your stock goes up.FRENCH CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You go on strike because you want three cows.You go to lunch and drink wine.Life is good.JAPANESE CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth thesize of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.Most are at the top of their class at cow school.GERMAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lotsof beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.ITALIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows but you don't know where they are.While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.You break for lunch.Life is good.RUSSIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You have some vodka.You count them and learn you have five cows.You have some more vodka.You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.The Mafia shows up and takes over however manycows you really have.TALIBAN CORPORATIONYou have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.You don't milk them because you cannot touch anycreature's private partsYou get a $40 million grant from the US governmentto find alternatives to milk production but use themoney to buy weapons.IRAQI CORPORATIONYou have two cows.They go into hiding.They send radio tapes of their mooing.POLISH CORPORATIONYou have two bulls.Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.BELGIAN CORPORATIONYou have one cow.The cow is schizophrenic.Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.The cow asks permission to be cut in half.The cow dies happy.FLORIDA CORPORATIONYou have a black cow and a brown cow.Everyone votes for the best looking one.Some of the people who actually like thebrown one best accidentally vote for theblack one.Some people vote for both.Some people vote for neitherSome people can't figure out how to vote at all.Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tellyou which one you think is the best-looking cow.CALIFORNIA CORPORATIONYou have millions of cows.They make real California cheese.Only five speak English.Most are illegals.Arnold likes the ones with the big udders. Quote Plodding along with no job nor practical application for my existence, but still trying to fix what's broke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olivetroad Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 I am going to print this and post it at the sale barn tomorrow - that is milk through your nose funny - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Rover Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Udderly funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fxfymn Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Great stuff. Quote Money, sex, and fire; everybody thinks everyone else is getting more than they are! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawel Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Rob wa seven kind enough to include a Polish corporation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortstack Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Best one I've heard in a while! Trey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hatcity Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 As a Florida resident, I am deeply offended.This type of "humor", posted by a moderator, is cause for concern on the integrity of this forum. Quote Success is only a stones throw away.................................................................for a Palestinian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
41chevy Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Wat about da new yawk cows ? Quote "OPERTUNITY IS MISSED BY MOST PEOPLE BECAUSE IT IS DRESSED IN OVERALLS AND LOOKS LIKE WORK" Thomas Edison “Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy shit, what a ride!’” P.T.CHESHIRE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RowdyRebel Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Quote When approaching a 4-way stop, the vehicle with the biggest tires has the right of way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted December 13, 2011 Author Share Posted December 13, 2011 As a Florida resident, I am deeply offended.This type of "humor", posted by a moderator, is cause for concern on the integrity of this forum.I am making attempt at letting my head hang low, but it ain't working.Rob Quote Plodding along with no job nor practical application for my existence, but still trying to fix what's broke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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