I lost 6 good friends that day. -Firefighter Joseph Spor Jr. Ladder Co 38, detailed to Rescue Co. 3 -Captain Patrick "Paddy" Brown, Ladder Co. 3 -Firefighter Joseph Angelini, Rescue Co. 1 (who was also #1 on FDNY's firefighter seniority list) -Firefighter Patrick O'Keefe, Rescue Co. 1 -Lt. Andrew Fredericks, Squad Company 18 -Bn Chief Ray Downey, Special Operations Command I stood on that pile. I saw the sights, I heard the sounds, I smelled the sounds. It was a strange smell, of concrete dust, diesel exhaust and.....death. The only way I can explain it. You would have to have been there to experience it for yourself to understand. In the months afterwards, I went to 24 funerals/memorials, because it was the duty of any able-bodied firefighter to be there, to honor each and every member of FDNY with a full-honors line-of-duty death funeral; with as many members of the fire service in attendance- because many many FDNY brothers were either down at the pile, on duty, or simply just too burned out to be able to go. So many vollies on the east coast picked up the slack. I am pretty sure I heard my father say once he went to about 50 of the funerals. I am no longer a career FF (still an active volly) but my mind is still on the brothers and friends that were lost. And the ones that we are continuing to lose to this day, to a silent killer that no one can see. Three have fallen in the past several weeks. Three good men, who stood on that pile for weeks, who vowed not to leave until each and every member and civilian were recovered. Three men, among hundreds and thousands of others who vowed the same vow, to bring home the remains of the ones who charged up those stairs without a thought of their own safety, to ensure the 60,000+ people in those towers got home to their families that night. I spend every 9-11 quietly reflecting. I go to work and do my job. On my lunch break I quiety slip into a local church, and find a pew and ponder my thoughts and communicate with lost friends in the way that one can do from the sanctity of a church pew. On this most darkest day of American history, I am proud to call myself an American Firefighter.