First Grader

[ajt3138]

a first grade teacher, ms. brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. the teacher asked, "harry, what's your problem?"

harry answered, "i'm too smart for the first grade. my sister is in the third grade and i'm smarter than she is. i think i should be in the 3rd grade too!"

ms. brooks had had enough. she took harry to the principle's office.

while harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. the principal told ms. brooks he would give the boy a test. if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. she agreed.

harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

principal: "what is 3 x 3?"

harry: "9."

principal:"what is 6 x 6?"

harry:"36."

and so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

the principal looks at ms. brooks and tells her, "i think harry can go to the 3rd grade."

ms. brooks says to the principal, "let me ask him some questions."

the principal and harry both agreed.

ms brooks asks, " what does a cow have four of that i have only two of?"

harry, after a moment, "legs."

ms brooks,"what is in your pants that you have but i do not have?"

the principal wondered why she would ask such a question!

harry replied"pockets."

ms brooks:" what does a dog do that a man steps into?"

harry"pants."

ms brooks:"what starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"

harry:"coconut."

the principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

ms brooks:"what goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?"

the principals eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, harry replied, "bubble gum."

ms brooks:"what does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs?"

harry:"shake hands."

the principal was trembling.

ms brooks:"what word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

harry:"firetruck"

the principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, " put harry in the fifth grade, i got the last seven questions wrong............."

[Rob]

a first grade teacher, ms. brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. the teacher asked, "harry, what's your problem?"

harry answered, "i'm too smart for the first grade. my sister is in the third grade and i'm smarter than she is. i think i should be in the 3rd grade too!"

ms. brooks had had enough. she took harry to the principle's office.

while harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. the principal told ms. brooks he would give the boy a test. if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. she agreed.

harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

principal: "what is 3 x 3?"

harry: "9."

principal:"what is 6 x 6?"

harry:"36."

and so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

the principal looks at ms. brooks and tells her, "i think harry can go to the 3rd grade."

ms. brooks says to the principal, "let me ask him some questions."

the principal and harry both agreed.

ms brooks asks, " what does a cow have four of that i have only two of?"

harry, after a moment, "legs."

ms brooks,"what is in your pants that you have but i do not have?"

the principal wondered why she would ask such a question!

harry replied"pockets."

ms brooks:" what does a dog do that a man steps into?"

harry"pants."

ms brooks:"what starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"

harry:"coconut."

the principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

ms brooks:"what goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?"

the principals eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, harry replied, "bubble gum."

ms brooks:"what does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs?"

harry:"shake hands."

the principal was trembling.

ms brooks:"what word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

harry:"firetruck"

the principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, " put harry in the fifth grade, i got the last seven questions wrong............."

Maybe there is hope for me yet.

I like it.

Rob

[Rob]

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

[Mike]

a first grade teacher, ms. brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. the teacher asked, "harry, what's your problem?"

harry answered, "i'm too smart for the first grade. my sister is in the third grade and i'm smarter than she is. i think i should be in the 3rd grade too!"

ms. brooks had had enough. she took harry to the principle's office.

while harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. the principal told ms. brooks he would give the boy a test. if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. she agreed.

harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

principal: "what is 3 x 3?"

harry: "9."

principal:"what is 6 x 6?"

harry:"36."

and so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

the principal looks at ms. brooks and tells her, "i think harry can go to the 3rd grade."

ms. brooks says to the principal, "let me ask him some questions."

the principal and harry both agreed.

ms brooks asks, " what does a cow have four of that i have only two of?"

harry, after a moment, "legs."

ms brooks,"what is in your pants that you have but i do not have?"

the principal wondered why she would ask such a question!

harry replied"pockets."

ms brooks:" what does a dog do that a man steps into?"

harry"pants."

ms brooks:"what starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"

harry:"coconut."

the principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

ms brooks:"what goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?"

the principals eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, harry replied, "bubble gum."

ms brooks:"what does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs?"

harry:"shake hands."

the principal was trembling.

ms brooks:"what word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

harry:"firetruck"

the principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, " put harry in the fifth grade, i got the last seven questions wrong............."

Oh by tha way it's Mike not Harry and i'm still in tha 5th Grade.

[other dog]

Another one from Old Bill-

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce.

The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,

Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”

“Canada, sir,” the boy replied. “Well, why did you leave Canada?” the manager asked. The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.” “Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada.” “No shit?” replied the boy. “Who’d she play for?”