Just a few things:

[Rob 2,210]

 

[theakerstwo 855]

I dont think i need that shot after all.

[Rob 2,210]

Bob lived in California and was a lifelong environmentalist and was defeated in the House of Representatives election. He was sick of the world; of Covid-19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.

Bob drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, started the car and revved it to a slow idle. Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Bob from the car.

A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.

This is to be expected from a California Democrat.

[Rob 2,210]

Edited February 18 by Rob

[Rob 2,210]

Edited February 18 by Rob

[Rob 2,210]

 

Edited February 18 by Rob

[Rob 2,210]

[Rob 2,210]

Edited February 18 by Rob

[mrsmackpaul 2,477]

Aunt Jemima isnt showing up, if I squint really hard I can almost, nah I'm dreaming 😁

 

Paul

[mrsmackpaul 2,477]

Nope no good for me here either, can only see what Patty shot at, stuff all 

Paul 

[hurstscrambler 375]

Haha

[tjc transport 1,233]

you image linky no worky.

[tjc transport 1,233]

anutter one what don't work

 

[tjc transport 1,233]

link is on welfare. 

[tjc transport 1,233]

go to bed Bob.

you are getting delusional.   🤪

[Rob 2,210]

Don't know what happened as I could see it on two computers.

[Rob 2,210]

Don't know why but hopefully fixed.

[Rob 2,210]

[other dog 9,042]

I thought Bob lived in Nevada...🤣

[other dog 9,042]

I can not see Aunt Jemima either.

[Rob 2,210]

Try it now.

[other dog 9,042]

I see her now!

[Joey Mack 218]

Too damn funny... Thanks 

[Rob 2,210]

 

 

A friend told me about his trip out with his grandson.

This is what he said. "Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 6 year-old grandson asked if he could say grace."

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty, peace & justice for all. Amen!"

Along with the laughter and nodding of heads from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman at the next table remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why -- I never!"

Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong Grandpa? Is God mad at me?"

After I assured him that he had done a terrific job and that God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my grandson and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my grandson asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is sometimes good for the soul."

Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal. My grandson stared at his ice cream for a moment, and then he did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman.

With a big smile he looked her in the eye and told her, "Here ma'am, this is for you, you grouchy old bitch. You must be a Democrat, shove it up your ass and cool off!"

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it.

[Rob 2,210]

My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

I’m bored. I think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking space, and sit there in my car with my reverse lights on.

If you answer the phone with, “Hello, you’re on the air.” most telemarketers will quickly hang up.

When one door closes and another opens, you’re probably in prison.

When I say, “The other day…” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself. Applicant: I’d rather not because I want this job.

Cop: Please step out of the car. Suspect: I’m too drunk. You get in.

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects – those were the days

If you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.

If you’re sitting in public and a stranger sits down beside you, stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”

I finally got eight hours of sleep – took me three days, but whatever.

I run like the winded.

Don’t you hate it when a couple argues in public, and you missed the beginning, so you don’t know whose side to be on?

When you do squats, do your knees sound like a goat chewing an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

I don’t mean to interrupt people, I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”

Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Instead, spend 30 seconds in my head – that’ll freak you out.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

I had my patience tested. I’m negative.

When you ask what I’m doing today, and I say, “Nothing”, it doesn’t mean I’m free. It means I’m doing nothing.

Think about that moment you walk into a spider web and suddenly turn into a karate master.

I have to walk early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

Walking can add minutes to your life. It enables you, at 85-years-old, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $4,000 per month.

NEVER trust a fart, no matter how crowded the elevator is.